Bewildered

Bewildered seemed to best describe the feeling I had immediately after Ted died. I still feel that way at times. I decided to look up the definition to see how close the word comes to what I experienced:  become perplexed and confused is what my computer says. In the Thesaurus are these words: baffled, mystified, bemused, perplexed, puzzled, addled, confused, confounded. Informal: flummoxed,  fazed, stumped, beaten, left scratching one's head, discombobulated.  Antomyn: enlightened. (Wow)


When I was young, I disliked looking up words in the dictionary because the words used to define my mystery word usually opened a "can of worms," requiring more look ups and on and on. I just wanted to keep reading and not be interrupted. In this instance, I find all of these words that describe "my word" enrich the meaning for the way I felt and still feel fairly often. Cool.

I like to find words to describe the indescribable. Those indescribable times and experiences for me are very powerful and often provoke a sense of helplessness, powerlessness, despair. The more words I find to express how I feel, the more I get back my power it seems. The more I know, the better I will be able to confront in myself the self-defeating thoughts that threaten to overtake me.

 Bewildered does describe for me the feeling of limbo that comes over me.  Energy starts to be rekindled when I start to understand what I am feeling and attaching words to describe the feelings.