I just published a draft written last spring. This was written during a time when I really didn't feel like communicating.
I'm not sure if I have something specific to say at this time either. Since I began this blog in October of 2011, I wanted to write something a year later. It will be two years November 20th since Ted died. Very difficult to grasp. This summer we sent his ashes adrift in Odell Creek that feeds Davis Lake - our favorite family vacation spot. We sprinkled our beloved dog Gwenny's ashes at the same time. She loved Davis Lake vacations as well, and she adored Ted.
I'm slowly learning to live my life relying on myself without my partner to share tasks and decisions. There is a definite learning curve. My confidence is returning and life continues to be an enriching experience. I hope to continue writing as time goes on and move toward the "creative transitions" aspect of my title.
Friday, November 9, 2012
From "Down in the Dumps" to "Creative Climbing"
Dark Night of the Soul.
Desperation.
Impatience.
Depression.
These are hardly creative sounding words (on the surface anyway.) I got help. Once a week I chat with a counselor that I worked with for 8 years beginning about 20 years after my baby died. She has been a godsend. Somedays I couldn't even talk I felt so confused about how I was feeling. She needed to come up with creative questions to find a way to get me to find my voice.
Slowly I'm starting to understand the scope of my loss and put names to specific feelings that I have. I'm grasping that one really can't climb to the top of the mountain in one giant step. It takes a long time. It takes care and sometimes planning. One can get so tired and long for relief from the arduous task ahead. Rests become a necessity. For me napping became my relief. Books have been a great escape. Escape what? His "goneness" was relentless.
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